Jersey

1. The New Jersey shore is run by skinny, big breasted Russian girls. By that i mean every hotel, restaurant, or bar employs at least two women from Mother Russia who look like they should be on the runways modeling haute couture rather than changing the sheets on my bed.

2. The pool at our hotel was tiny and overrun by little kids. I didn't mind at all except for one little brat did cannonballs every time he jumped into the pool. EVERY time! ...and it wasn't just that he did cannonballs everytime, he'd ANNOUNCE them. "Hey Mom, look, i'm going to to do a cannonball." Clearly his mother stopped looking after about 5 minutes, but the rest of us were left to hear his pleas for attention long after that. If he had just mixed it up a LITTLE bit... "Hey ma, here's a belly flop, Hey ma, watch me dive!" that would have been much better

3. I ordered french toast at a place called Salty's in Lavalette, New Jersey, and when the waitress brought the plate to me there were four golden brown pieces of bread on it... and a golden brown spider on top of the bread, I guess it somehow got either into the batter or onto the griddle. NOT cool, but completely my own fault for ordering french toast at a place called Salty's.

4. Books i read over the trip and a brief reaction to them:

Crossworld by Marc Romano (A decent book but i HATED the author- he spends like 20% of the novel illustrating to the reader what a COOL intellectual he is; for example, Romano mentions that Gravity's Rainbow is his favorite book about once every 50 pages. Are there any male writers in their twenties who are secure enough in their abilities that they don't have to deliberately paint a pseudo-intellectual portrait of themselves with their writing? Just let the work stand on its own, man...)

Gasping for Air Time by Jay Mohr (I don't think Mohr's a particularly funny stand-up but the book's a good trashy beach read with lots of gossip and a perspective on Saturday Night Live that one normally doesn't get from celebrities being careful not to tread on Lorne Michaels' toes. The story about Mr. Belvedere sitting on his own testicles easily rates the book a recommendation, the rest is gravy).

The Drawing of the Three by Stephen King (The Dark Tower series bores me).

5. We went to Atlantic City, gambled in The Borgata and had an awesome dinner in The Old Homestead Steakhouse. Best Filet Mignon i've ever eaten, but i don't like casinos. I rarely win at the slots, I don't know how to play poker, and I don't actually have any money of my own to gamble with- Mom & Dad gave me like $50 bucks to fritter away.








My father has a problem where it always looks like he's grimacing in every picture i take of him, but he looks pretty happy here...


...which is a shame because like 2 minutes after he got absolutely clobbered by a gigantic wave.


I always loved going to the Jersey boardwalks as a kid, because of all the weird ass decoration you could find there.








The three-headed giraffe tunnel.


I was so fucking proud of myself- i actually WON something at one of the carnival games on the boardwalk! It was that skeeball game where you try and race horses. It wasn't until after i won that i realized i didn't really want a stuffed animal, so i got the Good Luck Care Bear for my sister.


I'm pretty sure Paul Bunyan and New Jersey never crossed paths, but there were an incredible amount of plaster representations of the big guy. This is probably the "best" representation out of all of them.


This is clearly a Paul Bunyan body that some carney was about to throw out taken by some enterprising person who then slapped an Alfred E. Neuman head onto it.


And this Paul Bunyan is just frightening.


...and this one speaks for itself, i think. All in all, i had a great time. The beach was SO much fun, i didn't get sunburned, i got to hang out with my parents and we didn't get itno any fights. A great vacation.

Also, i just thought i'd mention that I got the job in Satellite West Middle School. I'd feel dumb about making a big deal out of it- i already spent that dime, as it were... but still, i'm pretty pleased.